Trauma

There are five stages that humans go through when something traumatic occurs (G-D forbid) in their lives;

1) Denial - this can't be happening. Deferral is another reaction that may be confused with denial. With deferral the parent accepts the clinical findings but seems to ignore the implications.
2) Anger - why did this have to happen?
3) Bargaining - I promise I'll never ask for another thing if only you will …
4) Depression - a gloom that comes from having to adjust to so much so quickly.
5) Acceptance - This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.

(While there is a sense of shock in the beginning, I don’t know if that is part of the bereavement process or not)

Each of us moves toward acceptance at our own pace. Unfortunately that progress isn't a straight line. We often move back and forth between denial and depression for some time. While most of us by this time are well past denial, there may still be brief moments when we act as if or try to pretend something catastrophic never happened.

Effects on the Organization;

1) Reduced productivity.
2) Employees isolate themselves from others.
3) Higher absenteeism.
4) Reduced ability to work as a team.
5) More conflicts among co-workers.
(Taken loosely from; http://www.wright.edu/~scott.williams/LeaderLetter/trauma.htm)

I think when we go back on Gimmel Tammuz; when the Lubavitch Rebbe passed away, we can see all these phases and more. Besides the one step that really we have not reached and that is step 5.

There are many people in our community still holding by step 1. But I think most of us went on to the next step pretty quick relatively; give or take a few years.

Step 2 is often seen at fabrangens; where the Mashpia says how he is angry at Hashem (G-D almighty) for taking away such a great man. Some in CH feel personal anger at the whole situation. Some go so far as fighting and screaming. There are degrees but I think there still exist an underlying anger within all of us at what happened. Most of us have learned to deal with it, and for the most part have moved on to the next stage.

Bargaining; step 3. This is a tricky one because Judaism is basically based on bargaining with G-D. We all do it in our lives. Give me money and I will give charity. Give me such and such and I will try and be such and such. That is why we do half the things we do. And really who is to blame? G-D; He told us clearly; act good and you well get goodies. So this is a constant problem which is why I think most of us skip/skipped this step simply for the reason that we are always doing it. Not anything out of the norm.

So we move on to step 4; depression. I think this is such a vague step and like they said you really hop back and forth, go there Gimmel Tammuz-Yud Shvat, then back from depression around Simchas Torah time. So it really is not a perpetual state. And as said above; it goes hand in hand with the anger part, so fabrangens and events are ripe for these depression-anger-denial stages.

Step 5; here is the kernel. Here is the nub. Very few faced this head on. Very few have moved on. That is not say moving on means abandoning your reverence and resepct of the LR. This means coming to realize we need to move on. We need a new leader, a new teacher. It’s accepting this fact irrespective if you can/will find one. It’s the realization that you are lacking a mentor and that you should get one. It is the same thing with all issues; half the cure really is facing reality. People have gone to great lengths to avoid this acceptance. Great lengths to fight reality. It is sad, depressing that every gathering stories of the Rebbe are told over and over and over indefinitely, without discussing what is really important, without leading the youth to a better reality. They are always living in the past, what about the future? We need to move on. The Rebbe would want us to move on; find someone that can lead. Sure we are not going to find someone to fit the romanticized view of him, just like you won’t find the perfect girl. No one can live up to the perfection we put in our heads. But we need to try, we need to push. We need to get better. We need to perfect our trade and perfect our lives. We live in an anarchic/archaic state; everyone does what he thinks is right and he brings “proof” from our holy books, and regurgitate things they heard in a fabrangen like its the Ten Commandments. Like they say; one can bring proof that you are allowed to eat pig. One could say that our father's did not drive a car why should we? When will this end? When will we move on? When will we face the truth?

We need to realize that we are human, and the LR was human. There is a process of how humans have dealt with calamities throughout our history. This generation is no different. We are not a new species of Jews. We are not a new species of humans. There is a science to this; and we need to come to terms that what we are feeling are lies and untruths; simply because it is not objective, it comes from the grief within.

We need to change. We need to move on. We need to accept. Acceptance is all we have left.

Go back to the effect on organization. Has it not all happened to us?